All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
