dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
