Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
