I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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