Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
this hospital has no fireball
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
