you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
