I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
