I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
someone owes me an orgasm
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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