You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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