And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
