I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
