I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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