she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
