I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
