I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
