She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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