She's JV to your varsity
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
