i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
