During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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