guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
