apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
