Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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