i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
