They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
