My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
