i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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