Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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