i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
