I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
only you would photoshop your dick
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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