be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My cat gives me a boner
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
