For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
