He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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