Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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