I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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