Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
love makes seman taste better
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I checked into jail on foursquare
bring money and cleavage
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
