it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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