Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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