It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
