youre lurking in front of me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
