highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
