I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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