I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
