The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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