we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
