Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
