what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
