So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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