I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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