I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
