Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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