She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
